GotLines - Pick Up Lines, Jokes and Insults

Puns Bad Enough to Come Back Round to Good - Part 12

Puns are great and quick way to make someone laugh or give you a nasty look! Give it a go and see if your friend has a sense of humor. It's always funnier if they're slow to get the pun.

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The Best Puns

What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Udder destruction.
Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.
Packing up and relocating to a new home can be a moving experience.
What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than "A" bra
I used to be a butler, but found the work wasn't my cup of tea.
How did Hitler tie his laces? In little Nazis.
What is the difference between a crazy rabbit and a counterfeit coin? One is bad money, and the other is a mad bunny.
What do you call it when a walrus eats 500 clams? A calamity.
What are half-sized quartz watches? Pintz watches.
Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiance-free.
Where did Noah keep his bees? In the ark hives.
How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb? Is it one or two? One... or two?
Some jokes get dated, other jokes get married.
The overweight painter could not lose weight despite years of exposure to thinners.
The former Dallas running back told me the most amazing story. It was Emmit's myth.
A locksmith is a key employee.
The river crested when a factory spilled toothpaste into it.
I was going to have my hernia operation last June, but the surgeon was on summer hiatus.
When the orchard owner went to trial he was judged by a jury of his pears.
Would a Mormon working for the Postal Service be a Letter Day Saint?
The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material.
I hear the Sylvester Stallone Film Festival got off to a rocky start.
He's got a phonographic memory. He repeats the exact same old lines like a scratched record.
I was studying in an apiary class. This resulted in me receiving a bee on my exam.
Why was Farmer Brown angry? Someone got his goat.
Short-order cooks in busy restaurants call themselves 'pressure cookers'.
What do you call a bald monster? A lock-less monster.
The statistician attended the dance stag. He didn't have any data.
When Jesus entered Jerusalem, people waved palm branches because they were being frondly.
Superfluous refers to a bad case of the flu.
Some people marry for love, others for wealth. That's why it is called match or money.
Deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry and heads rolled.
My pet bird can predict the future. He is an omen pigeon.
I don't use too much wine in making charosis for Passover, lest I get charosis of the liver.
My girlfriend once gave me a Valentine made of soft leather. What a suede heart.
Which illness are witches most prone to? Crone's disease.
Those simian figure skaters are very good. They make prime eights.
'I missed the card game,' he said wistfully.
Was Noel Coward afraid of traditional Christmas music?
He crashed while rowing his boat and suffered a broken scull.
I tried hard to get into vexillology, but, in the end, had to flag it away.
When I got the bill for the engine rebuild, I blew a gasket!
I got kicked out of cartoon art school. I guess you could say I was in suspended animation.
The Hobbits were put in charge of collecting highway revenue because they're just so Tolkien.
Instead of engaging in my own hobbies, my wife has me constantly helping her in her garden. I guess you could say I am pistil whipped.
The Crimean cannibal loved Tatar tots.
Everyone in the family knew that they had to join the spy agency. It was a clan destine operation.
Just in time for Thanksgiving a blockbuster movie about sweet potatoes, 'The Silence of the Yams'.
I told the psychiatrist that I was afraid of strangers talking about the founder of stoicism. He said I had zenophobia.
I saw a female deer in my rear-vision mirror. It was case of hind-sight.
That podiatrist is very sneaky. Give him an arch, he will take a foot.
He could play baseball, football, basketball, soccer and tennis. He was a jock of all trades.
An avionics warning is a flier alarm.
A synthesis is an essay about transgressions.
My brother told me that serpentine is what you use to get paint off a boa constrictor.
A swan's favorite salad is Cobb salad.
Contemplating my imminent root canal procedure was deeply unnerving.
Seamstress is caused by wearing tight clothing.
Proper punctuation can make the difference between a sentence that's well-written and a sentence that's, well, written.
A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.
John Deere had a lot of detractors when he announced his invention.
I got a nasty electric shock the other day, but I wasn't phased.
The rotting food in the garbage can behind the restaurant was covered with flies. To the vectors go the spoils.
Mail order cows were first shipped by raft down the Mississippi River. They traveled on cattle logs.
During the rainy season I spread out large books for my guests to wipe their feet on. These are the tomes that dry men's soles.
The fraudulent caged chicken farmer gave himself free range with his egg labeling.
When the Aztec warrior was about to be punished severely, he was so sad he was disheartened.
When our fraternity voted whether or not to permit alcohol, there was not a dry aye in the house.
If you make candles you are going to need a lot of paraffin-alia.
The tap dancer's routine ran hot and cold.
The Junior NCO had sore wrists. The doctor said it was corporal tunnel syndrome.
People who listen to long political speeches are bulldozers.
A mosquito is the oldest known skin-diver.
Dorothy's dog, of the Wizard of Oz fame, always eats his food entirely - he never leaves any scraps because it's in toto.
I could not pull out of my parking space, so I used my back up plan.
You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune.
When the knight logged onto his computer there was the message, 'You got mail.' It was a chain letter.
When a female sheep turns around and goes the other way it makes a ewe turn.
Getting this job managing a country estate has put me off fried eggs. I'm a gamekeeper turned poacher.
A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.
At the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, "Are you two an item?"
I stole someone else's idea for a stage drama. Am I a playgiarist?
You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn't that be just like you!
I can't find my rutabaga. I hope it will turnip.
A tattoo artist has designs on his clients.
When does a boat show affection? When it hugs the shore.
Dockyard: A physician's garden.

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What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Udder destruction. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink. The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.