Short Jokes about Women. Sure, women can be a bit sensitive, but it's just a joke right? Be prepared to dodge plates, knives or maybe even the kitchen sink. It better be funny.
The Best Jokes about Women
For anyone who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember that's where the knives are kept.
When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.
Women are like roads. The more curves they have, the more dangerous they are.
What's 6 inches long, has a head on it and drives women crazy? $100 bill
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months- I don't like to interrupt her.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a wedding cake.
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, even the diaper bag. But all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
How are women and tornadoes alike? -- They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
Whats the difference between a wife and a girlfriend ? -- About 30 lbs!
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but i can't get my wife to go swimming!
Why do women like to have sex with the lights off? -- They can't stand to see a man have a good time!
Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
Why'd they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!
Q:Do you talk to your wife after sex?
A:Depends, if I can find the phone!
What do you call a letter from a feminist? -- Hate male.
How do you blind a woman? -- You put a windshield in front of her.
How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? -- She fits into your wife's clothes
What gets easier to pick up the heavier it gets? -- Women.
What's the real punishment for bigamy? More than one mother-in-law!
Being an ugly girl is like being a man; you have to work for your money.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
Why don't women need watches? - There's a clock on the stove.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
What do you call a woman with one black eye? -- A quick Learner.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? -- Nothing, she's been told twice.
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?
Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? -- Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand"
Why do women have small feet? -- So they can stand closer to the kitchen counter.
What's the difference between a woman and a computer? -- A computer only needs the information punched into it once.
Why do women have periods? -- Because they deserve them.
A man driving a car hits a woman. Whose fault is it? The man's. Why was he driving in the kitchen?
What do you do if a bird shits on your car? -- Don't ask her out again.
Q: What do you do when your wife's staggering?
A: Shoot her again.
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the stove.
Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.
