Dad jokes so embarrassingly bad they're actually funny. Don't get caught in public with these terrible, punny jokes. We've got some classic, clean dad jokes sure to make you laugh, or roll your eyes.
I'm reading a book on the history of glue – can't put it down.
I've deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone. Now it's Hans free.
I gave all my dead batteries away today... Free of charge.
I'm not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they'd be bay-gulls!
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse!
Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, 'The good news is..it'll feel better when it quits hurting.'
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
Where does batman go to the bathroom? The batroom.
Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they're shellfish.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door? Matt.
If I had a dime for every book I've ever read, I'd say: Wow, that's coincidental.
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
Ill call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant
The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
