Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Hey can I borrow your lipstick and your lips.
I checked the thermometer, and you're officially one hot bird.
Hey, are you balding, because you sure do SHINE.
Are you Christmas, because I want to Merry you.
I'll sniff your butt if you sniff mine.
When your hands are cold you sit on them. You know my face is pretty cold.
You are just the way I like my coffee. Tall, dark and strong.
Somebody call a lifeguard. Because I'm drowning in your eyes...
Would you like your parrot on this shoulder....or THIS shoulder?
Somebody better call God, cause heaven's missing an angel
I like my women like I like my coffee, HOT!
Being an ugly girl is like being a man; you have to work for your money.
My coffee hasn't kicked in yet, so I can't think of anything charming to say.
The barista may have forgotten your name, but I sure won't.
Save water and shower with an airman.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? I just want to make sure my eyeliner is on thick enough.
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
Are you from Russia? Cause you're russian my heart rate!
Which reindeer have the shortest legs? The smallest ones
Are you a black line? Because I could stare at you all day long.
I'll be your tramp if you'll be my lady
I might be ugly but I'll treat you right!
You can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but baby, the best way to fall is onto the dance floor with me.
For maximum attention, nothing beats a good mistake.
The holy spirit must be with you because you're getting a rise outta me.
You might want to call a bomb squad, because there's going to be an explosion in your anus.
Is that your dorsal fin or are you just happy to see me?
Are you Sergio Ramos' penalty kick? Cause you're out of this world.
You should be wearing a soccer jersey darling so I don't have to ask for your name or number.
I don't believe in love at first sight, but I'm willing to make an exception in your case
Hey girl, I put the sensual in non-consensual.
Let's build a home in the desert. We can Gobi together forever!
How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico? Fleece Navidad!
You spin my heart like a globe.
You should search for someone with the same values.
Hey, I'm outta work and I heard you needed some plowing.
Even the most skilled plastic surgeon in the world would throw up their hands in defeat at the sight of your face.
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has "no EL"!
Your appearance is an affront to the very concept of beauty, a walking abomination.
What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor? Ribbon Hood!
I'm a recovering workaholic.
Your face is like a train wreck, impossible to look away from despite the horror it invokes.
Congratulations, you've managed to achieve a level of ugliness that defies all known standards of aesthetics.
The way you talk to me leaves me aphasic.
Your face is a visual assault, a crime against humanity that should be punishable by law.
Your car's headlights are dimmer than your future prospects, casting a feeble glow on the road ahead.
Is your name Joe? because you're stealing my Hart.
Even the most powerful storms of Jupiter couldn't keep me from you!
You are the roux to my veloute.
You work out, I work out, I think our relationship would work out.
Your car's design is so outdated, it's like a relic from a bygone era of bad taste.
How about we go to my garage and see what's under the hood.
You must be a Magnetar because I feel a strong magnetism between us.
Stop worrying about your job, you're not paid enough to worry.
Nice bible. I would like to pray with you.
Hey baby, are you a fish? Because you like FINtastic.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Let me put a toy in your happy meal.
I do not like work even when someone else does it.
Come on, don't make me beg!
Are you a cartographer? Because you have mileage markers in all the right places.
Pee here often?
Are you COPD? ‘Cause you take my breath away.
You make me go from simple squamous to stratified columnar
Hey girl, are you a pulmonary embolism? Cause you're making me breathless..
Sorry, baby. I thought it was hump day...
Wanna come over to myspace so I could twitter your yahoo till you google all over my facebook.
Calculus and drinking alcohol do not mix. So, don't drink and derive.
Driving your car is like subjecting yourself to a torture chamber on wheels, where discomfort and disappointment are your constant companions.
Your car's exterior is so hideous, it could make a blind person weep tears of agony.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
Looking at your car is like witnessing a tragic accident, a horrifying reminder of the consequences of poor automotive judgment.
Your car is a complete and utter piece of shit, a rolling testament to your poor life choices and lack of taste.
If there was a contest for the ugliest person in the world, you'd win by a landslide.
I hope you don't object to this leading question but, you want me don't you?
Do you like jalapeños? Cause in a minute I'll be jalapeño pants tonigh.
Ice cold coffee? Cool beans!
Will you teach my tongue how to surf?
Psst.. Hey babe, I got some nip
I usually Han Solo, but I'd let you turn on my light saber!
I can't be fired. Slaves are sold!
I am a hot lesbian, hold my hand.
Hey wanna play softball, we can take turns pitching and catching.
If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
I may not be Heath, but I can sure balance your ledger.
First rule for a patient is to remove all restricting clothing, can I go ahead and start now?
Is that a double ended vibrator in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Your car's reliability is a cruel joke, a constant source of breakdowns and expensive repairs.
Hey baby, I have a green card.
Your car's audio system sounds like a cacophony of dying cats, assaulting the ears of anyone unfortunate enough to listen.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The seats in your car are as uncomfortable as sitting on a bed of nails, inflicting torture on your passengers.
Is that an M4 or are you just happy to see me?
I just washed my face. So you have a clean place to sit.
I may not be Elisha but will you open the door anyway.
I want to slam dunk your face with my face.
Whats the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral? -- There's one less drunk.
Is that a Easter egg in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
If you were a transformer, you'd be a HOT-obot, and your name would be Optimus Fine
