Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
That podiatrist is very sneaky. Give him an arch, he will take a foot.
He could play baseball, football, basketball, soccer and tennis. He was a jock of all trades.
An avionics warning is a flier alarm.
A synthesis is an essay about transgressions.
My brother told me that serpentine is what you use to get paint off a boa constrictor.
A swan's favorite salad is Cobb salad.
Contemplating my imminent root canal procedure was deeply unnerving.
Seamstress is caused by wearing tight clothing.
Proper punctuation can make the difference between a sentence that's well-written and a sentence that's, well, written.
A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.
John Deere had a lot of detractors when he announced his invention.
I got a nasty electric shock the other day, but I wasn't phased.
The rotting food in the garbage can behind the restaurant was covered with flies. To the vectors go the spoils.
Mail order cows were first shipped by raft down the Mississippi River. They traveled on cattle logs.
During the rainy season I spread out large books for my guests to wipe their feet on. These are the tomes that dry men's soles.
The fraudulent caged chicken farmer gave himself free range with his egg labeling.
When the Aztec warrior was about to be punished severely, he was so sad he was disheartened.
When our fraternity voted whether or not to permit alcohol, there was not a dry aye in the house.
If you make candles you are going to need a lot of paraffin-alia.
Inheriting a million chocolate eggs doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
Come over to my place and I'll show you me Lucky Charms.
I have one Irish friend. Other than that... kiss me.
I'll be your seeder of you'll be my leecher and we can torrent all night long.
Can I do your systems analysis?
You must be differentiable, because all I see are smooth curves.
I miss you so hard, titanium would break like glass.
My love for you could power the world's electrical needs for our our time.
You and I must have same natural frequency cause we resonate together!
You must be tired, because you've been running through the Internet all day.
Can I earth you? You seem to be at a high potential.
I'm here to check your shorts.
Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word for...you get the idea. I'm Tiger Woods.
Can I pinch hit on you?
As a baseball player, I know my way around the bases.
My name must be Ashley Young, because I'm falling for you.
Because I play soccer all of the time, I'm really good at footsie.
Are you Valdes? Because I want to teach you how to handle balls.
I know you love playing soccer, wanna play a soccer lover?
Hey girl, I'll give you a delay of game warning.
I only drool when I'm standing upright.
My blade's not the only thing made of steel.
Wanna see my other stick that curves a little to the left?
Ever kiss a guy with no teeth?
Well if I can't score, can I at least get an assist?
Apart from being a running gear model, what do you do for a living?
I saw you have good running form; want to grab a salad tonight?
Wanna do some cross training?
I'll buy you spandex and spikes, because you deserve everything nice.
There are two ways to get to your target heart rate: You can either run really fast me, or I can just take off my shirt.
Hey, are those running tights you have on reflective? Because I can see myself in your pants.
Are you sure that running vest is wicking? Because you look HOT!
Man, you have to be a swimmer, because you blow everyone else out of the water with your good looks!
I never have a false start.
You must be tired. Because you've been swimming through my mind all day.
Are you the 200 medley cause you take my breath away.
Hey babe wanna play with my foam finger?
I'm going to go for two after I score.
I wish you were on the football team because I'd love to see your backfield in motion.
I'd love to touchdown in your end zone.
Have you been running because your hair is sweaty.
You got my heart racing like a thermogenic.
You don't need to waste your time on that treadmill, you've been running through my mind all day.
You're like cardio circuit, you get my heart racing.
Do you have your workout name? Mine is Master Blaster!
Hey, you wanna go grab a protein shake?
All of my gym buddy is to have a perfect body, but for me my goal is to have you.
Do you believe in love at first squat?
Wanna sit on my lap while I use the rowing machine?
How'd you like to come back to my place and sit on my feet while I do sit-ups?
Nice calves. Have you been working on them?
You must have great cardio because you just ran away with my heart.
Do you come here often? Because you are fit.
This court isn't the only place where I'm going to be diving.
Are you a volleyball? Because I'd dive for you anytime.
If you're a volleyball player, I think we can set up a date.
I know it's against the rules, but I'd love to touch you more than 3 times.
Your body is something I wouldn't wanna cover.
If I get a block on you, can I get your number?
It's always bikram yoga when you're doing it.
We aren't even in hot yoga, yet you make them sweat.
I love it when you wear your yoga pants all day.
I will walk across your bridge.
You can call me Palhares. Because I can't wait to tap that.
Are those Vale Tudo shorts you're wearing or are you just happy to see me?
I hope our love is like a GSP fight. It never ends.
Been thinking about you a latte.
Do you need more sugar or am I sweet enough?
Can I get your number? Because I like you a latte.
Right now, I'm craving pizza, but I'm craving you more.
I like my pizza like I like my men. Deep.
If I don't get your number, I'm going to fall to pizzas.
I want to give you olive my love.
Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
Do you like mushrooms because I could mush you in a room.
I have veganaise in the fridge at my place.
How do you like your eggs, substituted or fertilized?
I may not eat animal products, but that doesn't mean I can't swallow.
I'll give you a reason to try milk again.
Hi there, are you drinking a glass of wine? I love travel how about you?
I'm wasted but the condom in my wallet doesn't have to be.
