Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Tell me you like GSMs? Let's head back to my place and I'll show you my version.
You know, I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.
Hi. Can I get you a drink?
I can see you have a lot of grapes, how about a date?
This date is going so well, how about we drop everything and open a winery together. I've got the money, you've got the ideas and the connections, and we both have great taste in wine.
I'm driving to Paso Robles next weekend to scout out land for planting a vineyard ... would you like to be my co-pilot?
Do you like books? I heard Been Doon So Long is the perfect bedtime story.
Weather like this makes me just want to sit around a fire and drink wine all day.
Would you like to see me peel a grape with my teeth and my tongue?
You are like a bottle of fine wine. I want to take my time sipping and smelling you.
Your flawless beauty is like the wine in a bottle and still better than ever at this very moment.
Your lips are like wine and I want to get drunk.
I think I must have drank too much wine, because when you walked in, the room started to spin.
You had me at merlot.
I was sent a bunch of bottles of ultra-expensive California Cabernets to review and I could sure use another palate! Want to come back to my place and help?
Can I get your opinion on this wine? I think it's a little dryer than most.
What are you doing this Fall? Because I would love to make you part of this season's harvest.
You're so hot, you could make my wine mull with just one look.
Wow! I thought my wine had nice legs!
I promise, I'll last longer than a bottle of the finest Bordeaux.
I make a great steak dinner and have the perfect bottle set aside for just this occasion.
The view of the full moon in my vineyard is magnificent ... would you like to come over with a few friends and see it?
People say I'm a barrel of fun.
The way you look at me is making me turn as red as that glass of wine, please don't stop.
Would you like to help me bottle wine next weekend? I'll let you do the corking.
If I was going to name a bottle of wine, I'd name it after you.
You should keep drinking. I have heard wine makes me sexy.
Dance with me if I'm wrong but dinosaurs still roam the earth right?
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but I think slut shaming is cool. I'm very wrong.
Screw me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?
Screw me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?
You. Me. Bacon.
Have your people call my people.
Hello baby, know it has given me a new leash on life.
Sniff my butt. It's the quickest way to my heart.
What a great looking dog – can I pet you – I mean him?
Roll over. I'll scratch your belly
There's not a crate strong enough in the world to keep me from you.
Baby, you are what I call a hot dog!
Wanna come back to my place and pick fleas off each other?
My favorite position is doggie-style. What's yours?
What a great looking dog, mind if I pet you, I mean her
Your breath smells like Greenies.
I'm crazier than a Beagle in a vacuum factory, baby!
Did you win "best in show"? Because you sure are a winner to me.
Can I get you a tennis ball?
My, your butt smells delightful!
Hey Gorgeous, can I buy you a liver treat?
Hello there, beautiful… looking for an Alpha Dog?
What a cute puppy. One day you're going to be as beautiful as your Mommy
I'll be your Tramp if you'll be my Lady.
You must be my backyard coz I really dig you
Are you an archaeologist? Because I?ve got a very large bone for you to examine
With your beauty and my thoroughbred we?d make an exotic litter of puppies
If I were a dog would you help me bury my bone?
Do you believe in cross-breding?
Would you like to go on a poop-duty double date?
Is it warm out here, or are you in heat?
Can you help me find someplace to pee?
Woof woof woof, woof woof! Woof woof woof woof woof woof, woof woof dinner and a movie?
That's a beautiful dog. Does she have a phone number?
Tell me what makes you purrr
Don't purrcrastnate just be mine
I like you furry much
Cat call me.
Baby, we only got 9 lives.
I will make you purrrrr!
Are you a bag of treats? Because I wanna sample you.
Be mine, it's meow or never
I'd like to get your tongue.
Dinner and a mewvie?
I'd give up one of my 9 lives for you
If I said you have nice fur, would you hold it against me?
Are we in the litter box? Because I'm diggin' you.
I have a cat, she'd like to meet you.
Meet me by the dead bird.
Can I spend all my 9 lives with you?
Girl you must be the back of my paw because I want to lick you constantly.
Mind if I sniff your butt?
If you were a cat, I'd let you sleep in my bed every night.
Let me take meowt on a date
You complete meow me
My vet says I'm lacking in Vitamin U.
You're purrrrfect!
Want to see some hairballs?
Can you take me to the vet, because you just took my breath away.
Let's litter.
If a cat were to describe you. It would say you're purrrrfect.
Are you one of them hot cougars that pick up young willing men?
You're the cats whiskers.
If you were a cat, I'd spend all 9 lives with you.
I'll make you purrrrrrrrr.
I like cats more than dogs.
I will pawlways love you
Your appearance is so repugnant, it could make a sewage treatment plant smell like a field of roses.
You have a face that could make a strong man weep tears of despair and contemplate the meaninglessness of life.
Your ugliness is so all-encompassing, it's a wonder that mirrors don't shatter in your presence.
Even the most skilled plastic surgeon in the world would refuse to touch your face, knowing that it's beyond saving.
Your face is like a train wreck, a horrifying disaster that leaves onlookers scarred for life.
Congratulations, you've achieved a level of repulsiveness that defies all comprehension.
