Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
You look good in that lumberjack shirt but I would like to see you out of it.
Hey babe, do you know that my mouth can generate over 3000 rpm?
You are prettier than a beer truck pulling up in the driveway.
Roses are red. Spend the night with me and I'll teach you all kinds of cool scientific stuff like that!
Tell me honey ham, did it hurt when the devil spit you up and you landed here?
You're a better kisser than your Momma and both yer sisters.
Hey baby, nice tooth.
I ain't no donkey herder, but I could wrangle that ass.
Wanna come back to my place, babe? I'm a thoroughbred.
What size boot you wear girl?
Hey girl, do you raise cattle? Cause those are some nice calves.
If you was my heifer, I'd done drive you to the meat processing plant.
Girl, I know how to shove my hips, I do it for a living!
Let's get trippy together barefoot.
My van's parked outside. Let's say you and I just take a ride down to the beach and check out the stars?
Your organic cotton t-shirt looks really soft. Can I feel it?
Hello, perhaps I could have someone else buy you a drink?
Do yoga with me as the sun is rising?
If we were trees. We'd be of the same species.
Let's take off each other's clothes... and then run in the fields together.
Wanna go back to my place for a little "fair trade?"
I just love the way you've styled the hair on your legs. Do the cornrows go all the way up?
Damn girl, I hope you have an open mind because I have quite the night planned for us.
Wanna come back to my place to discuss complex interrelated cultural and political trends?
You and me together would be totally groovy baby!
If you join this drum circle you're sure to get a good bang.
That's a nice hammock. Does it fit two?
Hey baby, I've got you two tickets to the gun show...Let's use them to go and protest gun-related violence!
I'm undressing you with my 3rd eye.
My carbon footprint is the only part of me that's small.
Turn on, tune in, drop your pants.
I'd share my bar of soap with you.
If I told you you had a beautiful Prius, would you hold it against me?
I loved you before it was cool.
Seriously baby, I'll take you out as soon as this check clears from my parents.
Hey girl, let's forget the world and start a post-rock band.
Hey, my name's Ethel, it's a really vintage name, i doubt you've ever heard it before.
Guy: Hey, do you have any pretentious avant-garde photographer in you? Girl: Um, no. Guy: Want some?
I'm gonna disrupt the shit out of your technology.
Do you want to roll around in my collection of antique buttons and talk about our childhood dreams?
Want to come over and listen to NPR.
Hey girl, is that an original Yo La Tengo 7†in your pants? Because your butt is extremely valuable.
My beard is the same length as Abraham Lincoln's was on his 7th birthday.
Hey baby, let's get coffee and vegan donuts.
Wanna go on a post-date?
I'd like to have you on vinyl.
Was that you at a Vivian Girls concert?
We go together like coffee and cigarettes.
Do you want to go to bed bath and beyond and smell unscented candles and tell each other what we think we smell?
Want to go dumpster diving in my alley?
Lemme add my app to your dashboard. If you know what I mean.
When's the last time you had a good macaroon?
There's an Arcade Fire ... In my pants.
I like my coffee like I like my women: ethical, fair trade, and organic.
I'm in my backyard...in my Eno... It's a double-nester.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together at an Pixies show.
Baby I see our relationship being like a good denim jacket: timeless.
Is that a pair of vintage Ray Bans in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Girl, I got an extra pair of TOMS that might fit you. Want to come over & try them on?
That ironic t-shirt you're wearing would look better on my floor.
Yeah, I was kind of a big deal at last year's Expozine.
Did you know that PBR actually stands for ‘Pretty Big Rod'?
I feel like we met at Whole Foods, because you make me feel complete.
Wanna meet my Cobrasnake?
Would you like to be my lock screen?
Hey girl you're as hot as my Venti double shot dark mocha macchiato with no foam.
I love you more than Dustin Kensrue of Thrice loves to write songs referencing fire...
Maybe it's just the PBR talking, but I could see myself in a non-monogamous relationship with you, or whatever.
In bed, I'm just like my fixed-gear bike: Extremely hard to stop.
You've got bike courier eyes.
It's a good day for the eno. Let's hang later.
You're sweeter than the agave syrup in my organic fair trade mint tea.
Do you Chemex? Want to see my drip?
Hey girl, I have a unreturned library book that I want to read to you tonight.
Hey, haven't we had sex in the bathroom at Green Room before?
I was in love with you before your ex was!
Hey girl, let's go get lost at IKEA.
Hey babe, I know you'll love my pick up lines 'cause you've never heard them before.
Are you a hipster? 'Cause we should go out and fog up our glasses!
Babe, I ain't no hipster, but I could make your hips stir.
Hey babe, are you gluten free tonight?
I'd like to play your cool B Side.
How about we try an experimental kiss?
I'd take my sun glasses off for you!
Let's get out of here and go fog up are non-prescription glasses.
Up for a little dominance and humiliation?
Can I impale you with my 7″ stake?
Are you a witch? Because am under your spell.
You couldn't be any hotter if you were dead.
Baby are you a diamond in the ruff cause I wanna cut you.
Worship me!
Wow. That outfit must make a lot of noise in the dryer.
Wanna go somewhere a little darker?
Are you a vampire? Because I've got something I'ld like you to suck.
Hey there, sweet-fang!
Are you a boy or a girl... or does it matter?
Wanna go for a ride in my porsche? It's black...
See that man in the corner? Vampire slayer. C'mon lets get out of here!
Bite me! No really...
Excuse me, miss? Hi, I'm doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm….weird chick.
