Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
My kids are all grown up. We can have the house to ourselves, until I fall asleep around 7, 7:30 pm.
Hey baby, my boobs are looking right at your penis down there.
Is that a new hip or are you just happy to see me?
Are you a hoe? Because you've dug deep into my heart.
I got a bottle of wine and a new pack of Depends in my scooter if you're feelin' frisky.
You're the reason I get up before dawn—just to see you shine.
Are you a patch of strawberries? Because you're sweet and so refreshing.
You must be a goat, because you're the Greatest of All Time.
Are you a pasture? Because I'd happily spend all my time with you.
Is that a Depends under your pants or are you just glad to see me?
Hey, you still breathing?
You're like honey from the hive—pure, golden, and irresistibly sweet.
My teeth and I no longer sleep together, but you and I definitely should.
Do you play bingo? Because I've seen you B4.
No, I didn't have a stroke; I was actually winking at you.
Are you a barn door? Because I can't close my feelings for you.
How about I take you home and show you my medicine cabinet!
Getting lucky usually means finding my car in the parking lot, but tonight you can change that.
Hey, wanna good time? I bought some great Viagra back from Bali?
You must be a plow, because you've turned my world upside down.
By me a drink and I'll take out my teeth for a good time.
Honey, you're playing with my heart. At least the dial that controls my Pacemaker.
Hey, can I borrow your Hearing Aid? My last girlfriend disappeared without returning mine!
Are you fresh eggs? Because you've cracked my heart wide open.
You're the best crop I could ever hope to harvest.
Are you the rain? Because you've brought new life to my heart.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and broke your hip?
How about you try out your new teeth on my meat.
You must be a sturdy fence post, because you're holding everything together for me.
How about I take you back to my place where we can get into a heated arguement about social security.
Are you a cow? Because you've got me mooing with delight.
You're like my favorite field—full of endless possibilities.
As long as I have this wheelchair, youll always have a lap to seat on.
Are you a stethoscope? Because you just listened to my heart and took my breath away.
Sit in my lap and let's talk about the first thing that pops up, or until my legs fall asleep.
Are you low voltage? Because even your softest touch electrifies me.
I must be a patient, because I'm hooked on you like an IV drip.
Do you live in a 100 meters area?
My arteries aren't the only things that have hardened.
I'm 80 but I dont feel a day over 79.
Where have you been all my life? Because I'm about to die soon.
I'd walker with you to the ends of the earth.
You must be a doctor, because you've just healed my broken heart.
Do I come here often?
You're like high-quality wiring—durable and reliable in every way.
Just gotta new hip replacement. How's about you and me take it for spin?
Is that your catheter line...or are you just pleased to see me?
I'm retired, so you know I have the time to please you.
Can I share your oxygen tank? Because you took my breath away.
Are you a prescription? Because you're exactly what I needed today.
Are you an X-ray? Because I can see right through to your heart.
I'll meet you for dinner. Does noon work?
Baby is your name Cholesterol, because you send my blood pressure skyrocketing!
Hey baby, is that a urinary drainage bag in your pocket, or are you glad to see me?
You make me want to party like it's 1949!
Wanna sit on my lap and take a ride on my Hoveround?
Either my pacemaker just shot craps or I'm in love.
I'm kind of new around here... can you show me the way to your apartment/house?
Are you a surgeon? Because you've just opened up my heart.
You're the best treatment plan I could ever hope for.
Are you a nurse? Because you just injected happiness into my life.
You must be a nurse, because you've got me feeling cared for already.
Are you saline? Because you're keeping me going.
I must be a patient, because I'm falling for the way you care.
You're like an RN—Reliable and Necessary.
Are you my vitals? Because you make my heart race.
You must be a wiring harness, because you've brought everything together.
You must be a charge nurse, because you've taken control of my heart.
Are you a bandage? Because you're healing all my wounds.
You must specialize in wound care, because you're closing up all my scars.
Are you PPE? Because I feel safe and secure with you around.
You're like a well-stocked med cart—always ready to provide comfort.
Are you a cable tie? Because you've secured my heart.
If your feeling down, remember, I'll feel you back up
Are you a blood pressure cuff? Because you've got me feeling the squeeze.
You're like perfectly installed wiring—everything feels connected with you.
Is your Dad in prison? If I were your Dad, I'd be in prison.
You must be on night shift, because you've got me dreaming of you.
Hi, I'm a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?
You're like a shot of adrenaline—an instant rush to my heart.
There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn't go by myself.
You are my belongingness to my Maslow's Humanistic Theory based on the Hierarchy of needs.
Are you a wire? Because you've connected me to happiness.
Are you a medication? Because you've got me feeling better already.
You're the best part of my 12-hour shift.
Are you a call light? Because I can't stop reaching for you.
You must be copper, because you're a great conductor of my affection.
If I touch you, do you promise not to call the cops?
You must be a triage nurse, because you've prioritized my heart.
Are you a pulse ox monitor? Because you've got me at 100%.
My couch pulls out, but I don't
Are you a wiring diagram? Because you've mapped out my heart.
Are you my corpus callosum? Because I feel a connection between the two of us.
You're so good lookin' I'd drink your bath water.
Are you a thermometer? Because you're heating up my heart.
Hi, you'll do just fine!
Are you my nursing shift partner? Because we'd make the perfect team.
Are you a patient chart? Because I'd study you all night.
You must be an IV bag, because you've got me feeling hydrated and alive.
Are you a multimeter? Because you're measuring the depth of my feelings.
