Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
You must specialize in wound care, because you're closing up all my scars.
Are you PPE? Because I feel safe and secure with you around.
You're like a well-stocked med cart—always ready to provide comfort.
Are you a blood pressure cuff? Because you've got me feeling the squeeze.
You must be on night shift, because you've got me dreaming of you.
Are those your tits in your socks or are you just happy to see me?
Is that a shattered hip, or are you just happy to see me?
Are you a thermometer? Because you're heating up my heart.
Where have you been pretty much all of my life?
I'm dieing to see you. Literally. I don't have much time left.
Hey, can I get a ride to the pharmacy?
The doctor says I need more vitamin U.
Sorry, but I couldn't help but noticing how cute you look in that ankle-length, shapeless, plaid jumper.
You're like my favorite scrub top—soft, comfortable, and perfect.
Your name must be Alzheimer, because the Kaiser stole my pudding...
So, what was your name again?
I must not have alzheimer's today because I remember how cute you are!
Is that a catheter in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Did you fall from heaven and you can't get up?
Waiter, you have an aged, dry white? Something to complement the little lady here.
Your smile looks nice, but it would look better in a glass on my nightstand.
Ever done it in a Craftmatic adjustable bed?
I've got a handrail in my shower, babe!
Do you want the lights off or the teeth out?
Do you really need that scooter? Because youve been running in my mind all day long.
Have we met before? No, seriously, have we met before?
I can't remember what sex is. Care to help me remember?
You're never too old to turn new tricks...
What's a nice girl like you doing in a nursing home like this?
As soon as I get my hip replacement, I'm going to hump you.
What's a nice girl like you doing in... wait, where am I?
I would sink my teeth into that booty, but they might just stay there.
Are you my nursing shift partner? Because we'd make the perfect team.
Everyday will be like our first day together cause I won't remember any of this tomorrow.
Do you believe in love at first sight, 'cause, if so, I'll grab my bifocals.
I've fallen for you and I can't get up! No worries though, life alert is on its way!
Can I carry your oxygen tank for you?
Your senior assisted living facility or mine?
May I take you to dinner? Next Monday would be best because that's when my social security check arrives.
Break my hip, not my heart.
Are you a cat lady? Cause I'm the cat whisperer cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.
Is your name Viagra, cause I don't think they will be able to close my casket after a night with you.
Don't worry I won't bite... No teeth!
Your company is so delightful, I'm contemplating putting a new battery in my hearing aid.
I want to sweep you off your walker and into your wheelchair.
You must be an IV bag, because you've got me feeling hydrated and alive.
I wouldn't mind seeing you for the rest of my life.
Ohh baby...you're making my arteries hard.
I've got a Victrola back in my room. Wanna hear my Sinatra record?
I got a pension and I'm not afraid to use it.
Where'd you get that pretty MedicAlert bracelet?
Why don't you and I share a sunset near the local pharmacy?
Do you want to get dinner with me? Must be between 4-4:30.
Girl I'd fake being a blind old man, just to touch you inappropriately.
Are you a patient chart? Because I'd study you all night.
You're like a shot of adrenaline—an instant rush to my heart.
I got a pill I could take back at my place, if you could tell me where my place is.
Are you a pulse ox monitor? Because you've got me at 100%.
You must be a triage nurse, because you've prioritized my heart.
Hey, I just got my new teeth. Want to join me for dinner so I can test them out?
Your Nursing home or mine?
You remind me of someone I met during the summer of 1969, those were the best days of my life.
Baby, you must be dentures because I need to take you out every night.
Let's get a nice drink of prune juice sometime.
Wanna try out my new hip?
Let's get crazy and leave our teeth in tonight.
I've fallen for you and I can't get up.
Are you a call light? Because I can't stop reaching for you.
Hey beautiful, they still let me drive. Wanna go for a ride?
When I look at you, my arteries aren't the only things that harden.
My kids are all grown up. We can have the house to ourselves, until I fall asleep around 7, 7:30 pm.
You're the best part of my 12-hour shift.
Hey baby, my boobs are looking right at your penis down there.
Is that a new hip or are you just happy to see me?
I got a bottle of wine and a new pack of Depends in my scooter if you're feelin' frisky.
Is that a Depends under your pants or are you just glad to see me?
Hey, you still breathing?
My teeth and I no longer sleep together, but you and I definitely should.
You must be my opening statement, because you've set the tone for something amazing.
No, I didn't have a stroke; I was actually winking at you.
How about I take you home and show you my medicine cabinet!
Getting lucky usually means finding my car in the parking lot, but tonight you can change that.
Hey, wanna good time? I bought some great Viagra back from Bali?
By me a drink and I'll take out my teeth for a good time.
Are you a medication? Because you've got me feeling better already.
Honey, you're playing with my heart. At least the dial that controls my Pacemaker.
Hey, can I borrow your Hearing Aid? My last girlfriend disappeared without returning mine!
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and broke your hip?
How about you try out your new teeth on my meat.
How about I take you back to my place where we can get into a heated arguement about social security.
As long as I have this wheelchair, youll always have a lap to seat on.
Will you run away from me somewhere romantic?
Are you a T-joint? Because you're the missing piece in my life.
You must be pipe tape, because you're keeping me together.
I have a loaded gun, get in the car.
I don't need a pipe wrench to tighten the connection between us.
I've got a crawlspace with your name on it.
Are you a pipe snake? Because you've cleared the blockages in my heart.
You're the kind of pipe I'd never replace.
Can you give me directions... to your heart? And kidneys?
